Suicide

[BigDawg99]

Around the end of October,,we received a pager call where a young girl had mentioned she was going to go and hang herself..we started the search and could not find this 13 year old girl.I drove By the Ball Park in my own Truck trying to get a glimpse of something in the woods..i had seen something red hanging from a tree with a whole bunch of Garbage around..so i went on with my search,,i just couldnt get it out of my head,,so i went back to the scene again and looked once more with my truck lights..still couldnt get a positive ID,,i went back to the truck and went to the Fire station where we had a briefing..i told my Chief and Captain that there is something there and i need someone to go and check with me,,so we grabbed Flash Lights and we all proceeded to the scene..We exited our Vehicles and made our way to where the red debris was hanging from a tree..i inched in closer and closer and finally seen some arms and Hair..i dropped to my knees and gave a Big yelping cry...we notified the police and the Coroner of the location...I went through extreme emotional Stress and almost a Breakdown..Not because it was some Girl Hanging from a tree,,,It;s because it was my 13 year old Baby Sister... I found my 13 year old Baby sister hanging from a tree DOA...we went through de-briefing with the psychologists and the chief,,deputy chief and our captains and members..Its not one of us who suffers when we are called to a scene,,its our fire Fighter Family that suffers along side of you....

[FLASHOVER05]

My Deepest simpathies BigDawg...

[itsnotahobby]

No one should have to deal with that kind of shit.

[FitSsikS]

No one should have to deal with that kind of shit.

Yeah no one should have to deal with this kind of $hit.

I'm curious, did the media put a spin on this case?

Was she a victim of cyberbullying or was she one of the many aboriginal youth (from that area) that seem to choose suicide?

*Sorry, just noticed the "baby sister" part, I really thought you meant to type "baby sitter".

[MrFF]

I too have had the misfortune of having a family member commit suicide and unfortunetly the family is often left with many questions as to why. One good thing did come out of my situation is that this was the time I realized that I did not like the way my life and my job was so I decided to become a firefighter. One person should never feel that suicide is the only answer to problems. My thoughts are with you and your family as you try to 'start over' from this situation.

[FitSsikS]

BigDawg, now that I have read your post a few more times it seems to me that you made this post after an evening of drinking.
Whether you somehow blame yourself for this incident or are struggling with the void she left in your family, drinking isn't the answer.
Continue to seek help, whatever your community/dept has to offer.
De-briefing was just the start.

[RugbyCanada]

Words cannot describe how sorry I am for your loss.

I cannot tell you how to deal with loss, or with your emotions. Nobody can give you advice on how you feel, or how to deal with your emotions, unless you find someone to talk to about what happened, and how you feel.
My father is a crisis counselor with the Ontario Government, and volunteers his time helping gamblers, drug addicts, and other individuals deal with personal tradgedy. His advice is to talk to somebody as soon as possible, to help this burden leave your shoulders.
Please talk to somebody about your feelings, wheather it's the CCM team, or an outside entity.

My best regards, and be well,

RC

[DCCHam]

My deepest condolances to you and your family 'BigDawg'.

[BigDawg99]

Thanks Everyone..I am not blaming myself for her Loss...She lived with her other sister and her husband was sexually abusing my sister...but thats a court case in the works..

just to set the record straight...i have not touched a Drink in 8 years..so i was not drunk when i posted this,,just wanted to share a story..

[Nagrom]

Thanks Everyone..I am not blaming myself for her Loss...She lived with her other sister and her husband was sexually abusing my sister...but thats a court case in the works..

just to set the record straight...i have not touched a Drink in 8 years..so i was not drunk when i posted this,,just wanted to share a story..

That's a good thing to hear, that you haven't been drinking. God Bless, stay well. My condolences as well. I'm sure if ya need to vent sometime, no one on here would mind...

[BigDawg99]

i basically think that is just something that i wanted to talk about..vent a little bit..

[FireChef]

First of all, my deepest condolences BigDawg, what a shame that she couldnt talk to someone about what was happening. Secondly, there is absoutley nothing wrong with venting about something that has happened, sometimes its one of the best things to do, its almost like a relief. Glad to hear that you guys talked about it.

Keep Strong!!

[wilderness]

I,ve been there, and lost 3 very close friends, two being brothers... I have felt some of the pain you are feeling, and i,m sure your feeling other pain i have never felt,in time it will get better, i hope you find comfort in these few words.. keep strong others will need you...

[Punctualdeer]

I think it's the worst thing it could happent on our job to find a famally relation on a scene. Thake care body. So sorry for you and famally.

[ndvfd_ff33]

Sorry to hear about your loss Dawg. That is something nobody should ever have to go through. You have come to a good spot, with people who can try and help you out or lead you in the right direction to get help.

[BigDawg99]

thanks everyone for them kind words..it means alot

[iamvff]

thanks everyone for them kind words..it means alot

I haven't posted for a while, but I feel that this is such an important topic. Depression is such a nasty disease, it can affect anyone at any age. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not a mental illness, it is a chemical imballance in your brain. For anyone out there who thinks that they may be suffering from depression, or if you are not sure but your world just seems really screwed up and you don't know why, I am telling you to take every ounce on strenght you have, and seek help. This disease screws your mind up so bad that it makes yo think that even just an ordinary every day thought, seem like to end of the world. It has killed people, ruined marriages, ruined relationships, ruined good quality people and the list goes on and on. If you have never suffered from depression, you can't even begin to imagine what it is like to think that the whole world is against you. I have talked to many many people that have had depresiioon and been cured from it, and I am amazed at how similar ALL of the stories are. The sad part of depression is that it can so eeasilly be fixed. The hardest part is to find the right medication that works for you, once you have found it, the world is yours. I know this sounds like I am preaching, but for those of you on here that know me, you know I am not like that. I firmly believe that depression is the ultimate cause of every suicide or attempted suicide out there. I post this so that if anyone out there happens to read it, and it helps them to realize what it is they are suffering from and that by just reaching out to their doctor or supportive family or friend, it can be cured (quickly) and their quality of life will increase to unimaginable proportions. Then this post was worth the efforts. I am sorry for your loss. If you ever want to talk about depression don't hesitate to send a message to me. I have lost many things because of it, almost my life....I am a survivor....i've been there!!!

iamvff

[firenoob]

BigDawg, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My heart broke when I read your post, what a horrible thing to go through.

As someone posted earlier, its really important to debrief and be emotionally self-aware at a time like this. As rational a person as you may be, things like this defy rational explanation or conventional time-heals-all approaches. I hate to say it but you will be dealing with this personally and in your family for the rest of your life. This can eat at you slowly if you don't meet those issues at the door and properly compartmentalize them. The fact that you're able to post about it indicates to me you're not one to bottle this sort of thing, which is to your credit and maintaining your mental and emotional health.

[FFChick]

No matter what, words can not explain how much pain it would be to expirence this. Nobody should ever have to deal with this situation. I dealt with a loss similer to this two years ago, so i can understand a little of your pain, but it affects all of us in diffrent ways. My thoughts and prayers from myself, and my Fire Dept. are sent to you and your family.

**Kate**

[joey84]

God Bless.. My thoughts are with you..

[kilometras]

i can't even begin to imagine the pain you must have felt let alone the pain you are feeling now...........................my thoughts and prayers to you and yours.......myles

[mudflap]

My heart felt sympathy to you and your familly. I cannot imagine being in such an event.

[Rockeh]

wow I am so sorry, that is such an emotionally moving story.. hope things are brighter for you now!!

[YoungFire]

Wow My condolences,I hope your okay. I will keep you in my prayers.