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bfrd22
11-10-2004, 07:25 AM
Mrs. Mildred Farquas
910 Smith Street
XXXXXXX
Fire Chief
Fire Department
XXXXXXX
XXXXXXX

Dear Chief,

I am taking this opportunity to thank you for putting out the fire in my house at 366 Lincoln Street, although you will note from the address above that I do not live in the house any longer. I can see that a fire in the cellar is fairly easy to put out. You just fill it up with water. Too bad my fire wasn't in the cellar.

I was quite worried when the fire engines arrived, with all that confusion and running around. My husband said, "It's a good thing it was daylight or there might have been more accidents."
I hope the man who fell off the fire engine when it lurched in front of the house is all right. The other engine, the big one, just missed running him over.

They got all that hose off the engine really fast and piled it up in the middle of the road and then started looking for the ends. One man pulled out one end, put a big spray nozzle on it and dashed into the house. Another man found the other end and put a big nozzle on it and ran to the side of the house. Then they both shouted to "start the water." How ingenious, I would have thought they would have had to screw the hoses onto a hydrant or truck to get water out of them!

I felt so sorry for the man with the Captain sign on his Helmet, who was left with the engine. He was frantically wringing his hands, pulling on knobs and, one would have thought that he almost looked like he didn't know what to do. He finally got back into the engine and drove it down the street out of sight.

I also felt sorry for the man in the white Chiefs helmet who kept dropping his portable radio and waving his arms a lot. Lucky for him it was a mild day so, when the water from the fire hose hit him, he probably won’t catch a cold. Then after he found his helmet, hand light and portable radio, he began waving his arms again but, since I was so far away, I couldn't hear what he was saying. He seemed a might upset and angry though.

After a while, the smoke was getting blacker and blacker so, I thought it best that I get some of my belongings out of the house. I was putting together some of my most valued possessions when two men with tanks on their backs and masks on their faces rescued me. You firemen are so thoughtful.

When they reached me they were in an excitable state and talking incoherently through the masks. One pointed to a door; I tried to warn them but, it was too late. They opened the door to the closet and both charged in full steam.

I was able to get the bigger fellow out without too much trouble but, the smaller man's tank was caught in the wall. He certainly hit the wall hard and the big man was right behind him ensuring he was solidly wedged into the wall.

I immediately went to the window to attract attention. I knew there was a lot of men outside running around started yelling. Just then the man with "Captain" on his helmet and another man with "Deputy Chief" on his helmet can running around the house at top speed collided head on. The "Deputy Chief" was furious; the "Captain" didn't get up. It's a good thing that the moved him over because that's where the big metal ladder landed when it fell over.

In all the excitement, someone had closed the closet door where the little man was trapped and, it wasn't until a little bell started ringing on the man's tank that anyone really thought about him. You people certainly think of everything! Imagine a bell on you that rings when you get caught in a closet.

They got that poor man out of the closet but he was almost suffocated when they attempted to revive him with the breathing machine. Three other people were turning knobs on the bottles and untangling the air hose while arguing about how to use it. Fortunately, the man on the floor still had enough strength to keep pushing the face mask off or he might have smothered there and then.

By this time smoke was blanketing the neighborhood. I was most impressed when your new ladder truck pulled up and the men raised the big ladder and chopped a hole in the roof. My neighbor still wonders why they cut a hole in his roof instead of mine but, I continue to tell him that he should shut up and leave the firefighting to the professionals.

I went back upstairs where it was getting very hot and smokey. So I opened the windows and, it wasn't too bad after that.

Then I heard a lot of noise coming from the stairway -- hacking, coughing and swearing. The language was awful! A man exhorting the others, "get up there, you @*#%&#@*, get up there!" Through the smoke, I could see a man lying near the top step of the stairs. He shouted, "Hey Cap, there's a lady up here!" It must have been "Cap" who yelled back, "Give her the line, maybe she can get a shot at it and, watch your language, you @#$&X$!"

He handed me the hose and because of the difficulty I had getting that big hose around, I would suggest that the bigger men should hold the hoses while the little guys run around with the tools.

I’m not sure if you remember but, after the fire was out, there was a rash of accidents. A man wearing a white hat and, with more bugles than the others on his collar came upstairs and absolutely berated a man with "Capt" on his hat for throwing debris out the window without first checking to see if someone was below. Shortly thereafter, there was all sorts of shouting from outside. Apparently the man with all the bugles had just been hit by a falling sofa while walking along the side of the building.

The officer with "Lieutenant" on his helmet was also injured and almost drowned when he fell through a hole in the floor and ended up in the flooded cellar.

A chair had been placed over the hole but the man in the red hat them move it because someone might have tripped over it. He then told the man who fell into the cellar that he was a dopey bastard anyway and should have watched were he was going! Such language!

A "Capt" was making a close examination of a wall when someone struck it with a heavy tool from the other side. The "Capt" seemed okay but his helmet was firmly wedged on his head and they couldn't get it off. He also seemed somewhat shorter after that, but I guess we all would look shorter lying on a stretcher.

Afterwards the man with the white hat became very pleasant, although he was still soaking wet.

He told me and my neighbors how lucky I was, and pointed out the importance of calling the Fire Department in case of a fire. “Most big fires are the result of delayed alarms”. Just Imagine what would have happened had I waited to call.

In closing, I would like to say that we haven't had so much excitement and commotion around here since the little boy rang the false alarm and the big fire engine rolled backwards down the hill into the truck with "Chief" on it.

Thank you again for you efforts on my behalf, and I ensure you I will never leave the iron on the ironing board again.

Respectfully yours,
Mildred Farquas

JGallagher
11-10-2004, 08:08 AM
O my son!!! What a laugh!! That is a good one! That aint really real is it?

bfrd22
11-10-2004, 08:34 AM
Not that I am aware of. I recieved a variation of this joke letter and modified it about 4 yrs ago. Lost it and recently found it again.

I'll be reading it at the our Firemans Ball and Awards night this weekend.

Owl5
11-15-2004, 08:09 AM
I realy enjoyed reading this it is hard to type . I hope that it is not true .Have a good day .:)