Living his dream.

[lilwoman]

Hey there. You are all quite amazing in supporting the person you love, and I admire that. But as our family heads into a huge change to our lifestyle I wonder how to balance his need to be a firefighter versus my own dreams. Kids in University, $100k less per year, shift work plus a part-time job. How do you do it and still maintain your selves?

[fire54]

Well you do it together and you talk about it so everyone is on board and committed to whatever you choose. My husband's pay cut was one half previous salary. It goes up in increments so although it is definitely noticeable at first, it won't last forever. And the PT job helps as well (and he still has more time off than anyone I know, which is awesome). We think of everything we contribute as one large pot to take care of all expenses - when there's less money, you simply have to spend less, or take on more debt. For the short term you just think do we need it now, or can it wait a little? If you are resentful that it's his dream, why not see if he's receptive to sacrificing a bit more for the short term so you can maintain your lifestyle? I hope that you can talk to him about your fears - that is usually all they are. Honestly it has not been that big of a deal for us. We're happier, we cut back a little, and the best things in life are free!

[lilwoman]

Yeah. I'm not the one with Champagne tastes. He moved us already for more money and less work, so switching streams is a little difficult. He is doing all the academic and physical things required of the dept, but not so much on the home front. But "In for a penny, in for a pound".

[dentedhead]

lilwoman in reading some of your posts Im not quite sure if you are for this or aginnit.I seem to be picking up mixed feelings,thats just me.

I am not judging so dint think i am just being a dick.Your husband seems to want what he wants and the family can just deal with it.I can understand one move and upheaval to the family for a significant career change but two? It is not fair to you to be the supporter,phsycologist,encouragement and dutiful wife....."He is doing all the academic and physical things required of the dept, but not so much on the home front"...... That IMHO is not right, he still has responsibilities.

There are not just the initial wage loss to consider I will presume with kids in uni you are prolly 40 years old plus(ish);) what about retirement? Has any consideration been given to that? Sure he has around 20 years of work left if he gets on, but it is a job that seems to get harder every year or maybe thats just me.If he wants out early that is another consideration.

That was the shitty part now the plus side,if your husband is taking a pay cut of 100K I am going to assume...yeah yeah I know about assuming.....he has some pretty sweet bostaff skills.Either education,special trade or industry knowledge that could prolly translate into a well paying PT job.Or even better open his own consulting bidnis,that is a license to print money right there.

You asked...shift work plus a part-time job. How do you do it and still maintain your selves?

I have always had PT job of some sort,something I want to do not have to do.I have never let it interfere with my family life,especially when it comes to my kids.Being a paramedic first and now a ff I have always worked shifts. This allowed me to be the dad that went on school trips,or took my daughters to dance or gymnastics etc,I was the one who got to see my oldest daughters first steps because my wife was at work!I have whenever possible done shift changes to attend family functions or kids concerts etc.It will only interfere the your life it you let it.

Hope some of that ramble helps.

Dentedhead