Divorce while working on being hired.

[FFWannabe]

Okay, so the subject line may not have been worded as well as I would have liked it to be.. hahaha... but it stems from JG's post and from the first conversation I had with "the guys" when I stopped in to visit.

They asked me if I was married, I told them I was involved with someone and we were buying a house. All four of them told me to make sure he is behind what I am doing completely because there is a lot of sacrifice involved in trying to get hired by the Fire Department. Every one of them was divorced during the hiring process and all four re-married after they made it on and were no longer having to sacrifice money, time, etc towards their goal.

I'm wondering if many of you have been through this same thing. I'm basically curious as it also happened to me.. the house was purchased and 4 months later I signed everything over to him and moved out. He was behind my career goals, but not what it was taking to get there.

Anyway, not a poor me thing, by any means, I am loving not having to live around someone else's tv schedule! hahaha! Just curious if many of you have been through this because of the sacrifice and struggle it takes to be hired! Pretty personal I guess... sorry about that... just curious!

Sue :)

[scoop422]

I am lucky. My wife was behind me. She didn't like the thought of me being a fireman but she knew I wanted it so she was great. I was also lucky because I was hired from the first test I wrote so I didn't have to spend much. She may not have been so supportive otherwise.:)

[colin911]

I can see people getting divorced because of the job, it's a tough schedule, the hours are long, you see some terrible things throughout your career. But, I gotta believe that it has something to do with the ego and mentality of a firefighter. There is also a lot of time off and the wife/husband might get jealous of that. Working Christmas 4 years in a row because the spots are all gone for vacation. I know some people that think that because they're a FF now, they're better than they were before.
And the biggest reason I think the divorce rate is higher among FF's is because the opposite sex is more attracted to us for that reason only and it becomes an issue of can I "keep it in my pants". If you can do that, your marriage will last longer and you work out the other problems as they come up.

[Fireknight]

My wife was behind me the whole time and with a new baby at home her support was above and beyond call, now "boys" nights out, that is a different story and a cold stare......:D

[FFWannabe]

Well, the men I was talking to were all divorced during the waiting time... I was wondering if it's maybe because it is viewed as failure when you do get hired right away, or the second year or the third year.

I remember when I was rejected by the police department (yes I was going to be one of "them" then I wised up) after getting all the way through their year long process, the man I was with, said, "Well that's too bad, maybe you can give it up now and get on with life." Same when I didn't pass the fire test the first time. I just wonder if in some cases, the significant other doesn't see the end, just the means and gets tired of watching it. I know the guys I was talking to are all wonderful people, I have never even seen a touch of ego, they've been a great motivation all the way for me, but I wonder, after 4-8 years of trying for these guys, if "the wife" just got fed up with the supposed failure and had enough.
I certainly don't see it as failure, just so you know!! :) If I did, I would be one sad kid myself right now! Haha! Anyway, I've got a thing for human behavior! Can you tell! Haha!

Another thought....maybe the strain and stress is very hard on the individual and he/she becomes tough to live with... That's always an option as well. I'm sure once you get to where you want to be that pressure is relieved. I hadn't even considered people having trouble afterwards.. I could see working Christmas over and over again could cause issues. I worry about my daughter in that respect a little... She's never had Christmas without me! But we'll jump off that bridge when we get to it! ;)

Okay.. Sorry, I do tend to ramble.. Hee hee! It's really nice to see some of you with a partner behind you 100%, that's so important! So the stats aren't as dire as they seemed! :)

Thanks for sharing!
Sue :)

[Leafs Fan]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think if you check, there is also a high rate of divorce among members even after they have been on the job a few years. If you ask around at a firehall I think it is common to find quite a few people on their second marriage. I often think that with our wierd shifts that we spend a lot of nights away from our spouses and have a lot of free time when we are off through the week and our spouses are working. More time to get into trouble. Also, some people in our business may not cope with the stress and emotions of seeing people in their worst times and may not be able te relate with their spouse causing tension that may lead to problems.
All of this should be weighed with the fact that divorce rates in our society have been rising for along time.

[FFWannabe]

True enough Leafs Fan... but then, you could add to that by seeing that the divorce rate is high everywhere, sadly.

I work in a very abnormal office, for the stats today... there are 9 people working here, all married, most with kids (two of them have three and one has 4). Most of them travel and yet, they still make it all work out. Although, they don't wear a uniform that instantly adds appeal! (What is with that anyway? I guess because I grew up with uniforms and was surrounded by them all my life, I feel respect, not attraction.. lol... but I have seen women falling over themselves to talk to fire fighters before. :rolleyes: Makes me giggle! haha!)

I guess the spouse either has to respect that it's stressful and find a way to cope with their partner or not be there. Tough one.

So, let's toss this into the mix...

Do you think wives will have a harder time now that more women are being hired? And how would you be able to prevent that?

Sue :)

[DFCSmash]

Well, wannabee, many women are threatened by the thought of women in the firehall. I think it speaks volumes about their own sense of self-worth, or their significant other's dedication to them. (or vice-versa).

Unless you are with Sacramento Fire. Then it may be a real worry.

The nature of the job may lead to higher divorce and seperation rates among emergency personell and their spouses. Some people are just not wired to be involved with someone in a high risk occupation. Others just accept it and can better adapt to the situation.

I haven't done any research, but I would tend to think that in any relationship where one partner or both are involved in occupations with shift work, the breakup rates would tend to be much higher. The nature of working shifts plays havoc with what one expected in a long term relationship, companionship, support, intimacy. Communication is the key to all of these things. People have to trust and support their partners. It is work and part of the problem is that we seem to be losing the will to work on our relationships.

I'm not a career firefighter, so these issues don't affect me directly, but when my business failed and I went back to driving to pay the bills, my wife had some real problems with it. It's all cool now, but it really bothered her because after 21 years, I wasn't home every night. Just made for more stress. So I called home EVERY day, sometimes more than once. And I still do.

And if I get a firecall when I'm at home, I always call from the hall, no matter the hour to let her know that we're back and I'm safe. No matter the hour, because she's not sleeping anyway.

If you truly care for someone, you will do all you can to help them realize their dreams. But, it works both ways, so there has to be some compromise. It's a tough balance, but it is achievable. After all, anything that is great has to take ongoing effort. Otherwise there would be no challenge, and challenge is what the human spirit thrives on.

Sorry for being so wordy. Just hard to do in a few lines. I'm sure I'll think of more. :D

[FFWannabe]

that was a really thoughtful post. Your wife's a lucky lady!

I agree, communication is key, always!

Sue :)

[iamvff]

Hey folks,
One more thought to add to the conversation. The Emergency response Field, I would guess, seems to be about the most well respected fields that there is. "Everyone loves a Fireman/policeman/doctor". As said earlier, some women may look for this type of person because they think it makes them look important or something. The problem is that unless you are actually in some aspect of emergency service, you cannot even comprehend what these proffessionals see, and deal with on a daily basis. All of a sudden their glorious fireman husband that their so proud to show off, is sitting at home crying, or drinking, or yelling, or whatever do to post traumatic stress. Normal people (for lack of better word) don't have a clue that this unfortunately comes with the territory, and cannot deal with it. Guess what...divorce time. You don't even have to be a full timer to have these things affect your life and family. As far as leaving someone while looking for work for an extended time, I would think that the person that left just could wait long enough for there dream of being popular/admired to come true. Maybe a little off the wall, but thats my thoughts none the less.

Be safe
glad to be back
iamvff

[FFWannabe]

That makes sense too iamvff. So many reasons... it's too bad isn't it? Just like most relationships that break up, they were in it for the wrong reasons or didn't look at things completely before getting involved. Like my case... he was behind me making more money basically and being home more to take care of the house (seriously), but didn't realize I was going to keep up with my workouts since passing the CPAT and didn't realize I would be studying for courses and didn't realize that I would need to have the bedroom tv turned off at a certain hour so I could get up at 5am... little things, but when they add up, they lead to issues!

Hmmmm, is there any kind of marriage/family counselling offered to Fire Fighters and their families for situations like this? If not, wouldn't it make sense? I would think that a third party who could help all parties see all sides?

Sue :)

[bestcoast]

All great post's guy's. There are quite a few guys on the job out here that have a "practice marriage" under their belt. Not unique to Vancouver by any mean's. I heard that your marriage has a better chance if you meet your spouse after you have already been hired. They were saying if you were married before hand, it was too much of an adjustment to make for your significant other. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone obviously. When you are first hired it is a whole different world and you can get yourself in trouble if you catch my drift, if you aren't careful...as Colin911 stated above....BC......Mind you I am single so what the Hell do I know..But I still have my WHOLE pension...:D :D

[FFWannabe]

Well, let's throw a different spin on things... Knowing what you know about the fire department.. You're the civilian and your wife is full time... How does that grab ya'? Here I was worried that my presence may cause some concerns for some wives (not because of who I am personally, that's for sure, but simply because I am a woman) and I wasn't even thinking that if/when there is a man to worry about, he might have some concerns as well! Hmmmm, interesting!!!

Sue :)

[bestcoast]

I was gender neutral in my post. And i've seen what happen's when it is a guy or a gal...:( ...BC...

[FFWannabe]

Yes, I understand that... I just wonder if there is added insecurity for the spouse at home when it's a female working in a male environment, as opposed to a male working with males.

Maybe there's no difference, but while I was waiting to hear if I was heading to Aylmer for training (Aylmer Ontario for the police college), it's all my ex could talk about... me being there with a couple of classes of mostly men.. .like I can't control myself around them or something... drove me crazy... but of course, he is an ex! hahaha!

Sue :)

[ThFyrWthn]

I think the key would be to make sure... I repeat, make sure, you extend your friendship to your co-worker's wives. They need to see how you guys interact with each other and take away the mystery of what's going on at the firehall(imaginations are a terrible thing sometimes)

And yes, it works the other way. My ex, and he was already an ex by this time was very negative about my goals. He actually was on my case everytime I heard from him(thank Goodness he lived in T.O.) saying things like " why do you want to be a man? Why would you want to see dead people and etc?" and crap like that. He just couldn't understand the need I have to help people and feel good about what I do. he only understands working for money. Anyway, back to the point... I eventually found out the underlying reason was he didn't want me to be around all these "hot" men all the time. Insecurity.

Anyway, if your concerns are about your current Bo Sue, you guys have to be on the same page.

[firedan76]

My wife was behind me the whole time and with a new baby at home her support was above and beyond call, now "boys" nights out, that is a different story and a cold stare......


__________________

I'm with fireknight, some gals just have it...unless its a drunken call from the peelers from a bunch of ff's looking for a ride cause they were just kicked out.....

[FFWannabe]

HAH no concerns about a current beau.. there's no beau. haha!

yes, making friends with the wives is a great idea. I've done that in other circles, when I've had the opportunity and I have to admit, I was received a little coldly at first until they got to know me.

Ah well.... like I've said before... I have to get there first!

I've also found that Toronto has an Employee Assistance Program that include marital counselling, as well as stress and depression counsellling, among others. It's free and confidential. I haven't had much luck finding this in any other city though. Do you have this? If not, do you think it would be well received or used if it was introduced?

Sue :)

[JoJobrat]

:rolleyes:
Ok, I have to get into this discussion. Many, many years ago when I was a sheriff I was the secretary for an all male firemans bowling league. There were about 95 bowlers. I would bowl with them just for practice and being the only women there I know that about 1/2 hit on me. All that hit on me were married. I was married at the time. (no I didn't take them up on it, though there was one or two I'd have liked to!)

Now days I'm still in the mist of men. I play racquetball, flyfish, play football, bowl, cowgirl etc.... Most sports of which are male dominated. My husband is a quiet man very happy to work and come home. So I'm on my own alot. Trust is a very big part of life and marraige. My husband goes off to work at really odd hours. Just depends on when he feels he needs to. If two people want something to work, they will find a way to make it happen. That doesn't mean there is no gelousy involved. You just have to be smarter than to let it eat you up. I think far to many people place blame on others rather than take responsibility for thier own thoughts and actions. When I play racquetball or chess if I don't like the way the game is going, I change it. But you have to be willing to change and grow and the tougher the game the better the ending.

JoJo

[Whitewater_419]

Well, I'm not career (Part-time/Volly), but the hours can definitely be weird when the pager goes off :)

Ironically enough, my wife is a lot more supportive/understanding about firehall stuff (Calls or unscheduled events like taking eight hours to pick up and return a repaired pumper) than she is about my regular job (CGI/Database Programmer).

Cool thing is that lately, she's been awake more often than not when I get back from the late-night calls, which is nice, since it's always cool to have someone to talk to when you unwind from a particularly long call.

[wilderness]

getting home in the weee hours of the morning after a stupid call, the last thing i want to do is talk...so i grab my pillow and hit the wife and say get the hell over to your side of the bed........ then lie awake for the next two hours wondering if we could have changed or done anything diffrent...my wife is supportive, of me being a volunteer, but she sometimes wishs i was a fulltimer so, we could have more time together.... it never fails, when you have something to do, with the family the page sounds and you have to excuse yourself and run out the door..... on call 24/7 and loving it.....

[Sneddy]

I've worked the other side of this.... male nurse in a female dominated area. I would have to say stress on the job is a big part of the emergency service industry. My girl friend is/was cool with me working with women, even ok with me working in the states for 3 months at a time. (i was always faithful) I have to say that the work at times can get to ya. I have to say that it was not what i saw that got to me it was not knowing what to say to the families when it was all over.:(


Ed

[bcfire]

[Good stuff Sneddy, count on your partner. Its tough to deal with the bad side. Support is critical.BCFIRE

[wilderness]

With the pillow, damn right.......

[mutts252]

alright well i guess it's my turn to play Billy Blackcloud here for a bit...

over the past couple summers, i've been more and more involved with my dept, and last year was full-on with a pager, yadda yadda yadda. what can i say, except that i love every single minute of it... hell, i even had fun rolling and repacking several packs worth of forestry hose, washing the trucks, you name it.

soooo... long story short, my summer job (and being on the dept) dictated that i would be further away from my g/f than either of us really liked. things were alright, though, we managed to spend some weekends and other time together, and for the most part things were super-amazing between the two of us. one of the best parts was that i knew she understood how much all the stuff i do with the FD means to me (she has a similar passion for something, so she 'gets it').

well anyway, with the prospect of me likely spending another summer up north doing my FF thing... well, things between us are no more. :( obviously this isn't the same as a divorce, but after a few years of being with the same person it gets to you.

so that's my story... (who brought the downer, eh?)

[cfergie]

I have been a volunteer for 12 years. In 2000 I was accepted to the fire academy for 3 months of training. My Girlfriend (Now Wife) was very supportive of me as she knew this was my lifelong goal. It was very difficult. We had to move away from home for those 3 months, and she was willing to join me. When I got back I had a hard time securing a full time job, as I was spending much of my time traveling to Firefighter competitions. It really took its toll on our relationship, but we managed to fight through it. In August 2003 I finally landed that career I had been working for so hard, and I couldn't have done it without her support. The trade off came last summer (2004) when she was accepted to the paramedic academy for 3 months training. Due to my new job I wasn't able to move with her. It was very difficult, but made me appreciate even more, the support she had given me over the last 3 years. She graduated in October 2004 and is now working as an EMT. She credits me with her career choice!! It has been a rough road, but if you work hard and stick together you will get through it!!

[Punctualdeer]

I was devorce one year after been a FF but i am not sur if it was because off the job. I think it started befor that.Now i have a new wife since 26 years and it his going well.Probaly it was the good one.

[smoke286]

26 years! cool. I will celebrate my 20th in september

[BCFFFV]

26 years! cool. I will celebrate my 20th in september


You guys both deserve a trophy or something!!!!!Serious don't know how you do it!!!!!

[FFWannabe]

You guys both deserve a trophy or something!!!!!Serious don't know how you do it!!!!!

Excellent! I agree, that's wonderful to hear!!! Congratulations! :)

Sue :)

[Raker]

I know that this is an old thread but I just found it and thought that I'd put my two cents in.

While I was away in Vermilion going to fire school, my wife started to spend alot of time with a guy friend of ours. At first I wasn't concerned as he was a friend of ours but after I heard his message on our voice mail, "what are you wearing??", I became a little concerned. To make an extremely long story short, when I left Vermilion to go home, I found that both of our joint bank accounts had been emptied and had perfect zero balances. I got home to discover that the locks had been changed to our home and that my stuff was in boxes waiting for me. No home, no job, no money and no wife...not exactly the way that I had intended on my life after school being.

Five years later..I am now a professional firefighter, have a three year old son, am engaged again (SUCKER!!!), own another home and am quite happy in my life. What I went through is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I hope that if someone reads this that is going through a relationship ending that they realize that there is life after and it is quite fulfilling and good.

[FFWannabe]

Aww Raker... that really sucks. Some women really give the rest of us a bad name... I guess that goes both ways (but aren't you guys all the same... hee hee... just kidding).

It just seems to be that because men are supposed to be the "bread winner" sociologically speaking, that some women tend to view the time it takes to get on with the FD/FS as a failure and they move on to someone who they see as being successful. Obviously this is not all women, but apparently some are programmed to see worth and ability to support and men are supposed to see child bearing hips and nurturing... lol... okay then!! I've always been really good at seeking out the deadbeats with no common sense, but hey, that's just me! lol!!

Raker, that's awesome that things have worked out well for you... I like the saying, "there's no better revenge than living well!"

Sue :)

[Brydon]

I have been very blessed with a fantastic wife. When I joined the volunteer department last year, she no idea on how little she would be seeing me. Let's not even talk about the sleepless nights she stays up waiting for me to get home safely.

Thanks everyone who participated in this discussion. I will have to remember to let her know that I love her and appreciate all that she has sacrified so that I can be a FF.

Now if she could stop asking "not another meeting?" ...

[Raker]

My ex was very supportive while I was a volunteer but once I was in fire school..well...you know.:-)

Wannabe...yes, there are some women that give the rest of you a bad name but every once in a while one like you comes along and gives us nice guys some hope.

I'm such a suck.

[moving]

My marriage was yet another casualty of the high level bullying and harresment that is institusionlised throughout the UK fire service.

I am now a single parent of three kids and juggle with them against the demands of the job!

I truly believe that even after a ten year marriage when the pressure is put on you, and all FF's know about pressure the spouse that walks is the one that loses!

A few people have posted about how they have moved on and so have I, having a beautiful Canadadian girlfriend really helps.

(you know your ugly when your girlfriend lives in a different country!!!! but i'm 'moving'!!!!)

Sue keep plugging away, you will get there, your tenacity shines through your posts, good luck!

[fire16]

Perhaps the thread Spouse & Significant Other wasnt here a yr ago. I dont know, being a relative newcomer.

There are rotten apples on both sides of the gender border.
My spouse left me with a 6 yr old boy and a 4 yr old girl. I can't say if being on the vollie FD had much or anything to do with it. The split, at the time, was *amiacable*, although it took me close to 9 yrs to finally be comfortable within her prescence.

I would phone a neighbor in the middle of the night to see if if I could bring my children to her place so I could respond to a call. That person is now a member of the dept of which I am the elected head honcho.

My two children understood my passion/dedication to the cause and I can't recall them ever being po'd about being left somewhere while dad responded to a call.

Guess this doesnt have much to do with absent others who are away at training schools, but I can now go to Vermillion without worrying.

[MrsFF]

Raker,

I am saddened by what your ex-wife did and how she did it. It really upsets me, as a wife, that as Sue said it is women like that who make it harder for the rest of us.

I have been the stay at home wife (with two young children) while MrFF went to Vermilion, and there is no doubt about it, it is tough. I found that our relationship is now stronger than before. I think it is because we do not take for granted the time we have together, and make the best of it.

Congrats on moving forward in your life and looking forward to what the future holds for you. Best wishes to you both.

[Raker]

Thanks for your kind words. Like I said, I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst eneny. It was truly the hardest thing that I have ever endured.

In reading your post something became very apparent to me. You are a very dedicated wife and partner and supportive of your husband in his career. You would have to be to spend the time to login here and involve yourself in learning more about firefighting and expressing yourself in a forum such as this. Your husband is a lucky man.

[MrsFF]

All I can say is Thanks. That means a lot.

[rescueone]

Saw the post had to say something.
Raker so sorry to hear that happened to you. You just need someone who will understand you need to go away for training and work, I hate that my boyfriend is away alot with fire, but at the same time I moved to a different city to be a fire fighter, so I cant complain. I know in the long run we will hopefully work together, so , I guess that is all that I have to say, hope I wasnt to off topic
R1

[ffmedic38]

Sorry, I see this is an old post, but I'm only a few months into this site and trying to look at as many posts as I can.

While I am a volunteer firefighter, I do work full-time as a paramedic and casual as an emergency medical dispatcher. Emergency services personnel in general seem to have a pretty high divorce rate. Why? I'm not sure.

FFWannabe: is it possible that your ex wanted to be a FF and was threatened by the fact that you were trying and got accepted? Too bad for him! Either way, he should pull his head out of the sand (or whatever it's in) and realize this is the millenium. Females can do any emergency services job just as well as males, in some cases, probably better. I have had female partners in my career who could pull their weight and then some. My fire department had/has females who I would trust to do anything on the fireground.

As far as how spouses view mixed genders on the job, remember, it's just that...on the job. It's no different from working in an office with males/females. If you cannot trust your spouse at work, there is obviously a lack of trust in the entire relationship.

Emergency services personnel work under extraordinary conditions. Unfortunately, we often see things that we wished we wouldn't have seen. If you have access to an EAP, use it. If you have access to CISD, use it. If nothing else, make sure you have somebody you can talk to when you need to. If your spouse is willing to listen, great! If not, don't take work home...this is where problems can start.

Just my thoughts.

P.S. FFWannabe: was in Ottawa in 2004 for the Fallen FF's memorial. Great city! Bringing the family and coming back this September.

[firewife]

Hi I am new to this board, I am the wife of a new firefighter. We have been married for 15 yrs. He just became a firefighter in the last 8 months. his schedule is on 72-96 a week then off the rest of the week. I work full time and we have three kids and it is really hard to get use to. He also works in a differnt city and i have no family around. So it is alot of responsibilty. Any way we did go to the employee assistance program and came to the conclusion that he should quit and go back to working as a paramedic 12 hour days. I think if someone marries someone in the fire dept they know what to expect but if after being married so long and all of a sudden your partner is gone it is very hard to deal with. his last day is sunday...

[FireChef]

I was a volunteer before my wife and I met, so she knew what she was getting into when we moved in. My department is fairly slow, but one call that sticks into my was the house fire we had earlier this year, when the pager went off she asked me if I wanted her to come along to take some pics of it, I said nahh, stay home, you have a broken foot, someone else will have a camera. Later I found out she had gone up to the house and took some pics. She was pretty emotional when I came, seeing that fire had scared her, and also her not knowing if we were in the house or not. After I had told her, it was an exterior attack she was better. Since then, when I get a call, I give her a kiss, and tell I love her, and she says the same and she also tells me to be safe.

Now in regards to ffMedics question about high divorce rates among EMS, I think it's partly to do with what they deal with on a day-to-day basis, and if you are not in the "Emergency Services Field", Fire, EMS, Police, Hospital, I dont think you could comprehend the stuff that they deal with.

Some turn to drugs or alcohol to help "deal" with the traumatic stuff they deal with. I know quite a few medics that are single or on wife number 2 (sorry ladies, I don't know many female medics)

The best thing you can do is talk about whatever the issue might be, and if it is beyond your partners realm of knowledge(not meaning they are dumb), then they to talk to someone who knows what they are going through.


*Sorry about going on*

[bestcoast]

Hi I am new to this board, I am the wife of a new firefighter. We have been married for 15 yrs. He just became a firefighter in the last 8 months. his schedule is on 72-96 a week then off the rest of the week. I work full time and we have three kids and it is really hard to get use to. He also works in a differnt city and i have no family around. So it is alot of responsibilty. Any way we did go to the employee assistance program and came to the conclusion that he should quit and go back to working as a paramedic 12 hour days. I think if someone marries someone in the fire dept they know what to expect but if after being married so long and all of a sudden your partner is gone it is very hard to deal with. his last day is sunday...
Wow, if that is the best decision for the sake of the family than that's how it should be. However I feel for your husband on having to quit a job he obviously wanted very bad. I don't know about your situation personly but most of the guys I work with find they have more time to spend with their family with the schedule they work. Regardless I hope everything works out for you, your husband and kids..................BC................

[firewife]

hi thank you for the reply. He says it was never his dream job he is just doing it because he felt it was the next step. the schedule is really hard he works 72 hours but they always hold him one more day and i just felt we were drifting..it has all been so confusing...

[Raker]

Did your hubby bring his concerns to his union or hall administration?? There are better shift schedules that could be utilized than the one you describe and would cause alot less stress on a family. In any case, I'm glad that you have worked out what is best for your situation.

[wilderness]

Will Mrswild and I are no more, started in August of 07 and will all be done in Septemebr of this year, seperation and divorce...
All good things come to an end, after nearly 10 years and two great kids
she had enough and we both decided to call it quits.



1st. I guess really what my question is, how do you handle the stress and pressure, and did you take time away from the job, and who did you turn to, when you needed to vent.

2nd. If you were charged with a offence, and the charges were suspended and you have been given a years probation... are you required to tell your employer. or protential employer...

[OzzyOsmond]

I didn't read through every post in this thread. Just enough to get the gist of it. My first marriage broke down PRIOR to me even starting the firefighter journey. Once I became one, it was as if a pixie had waved a magic wand over my ex-wife! All of a sudden, she was interested in a reconciliation!!!! (Imagine that!)

I had moved on. It was great being single, and not having the burden of a marriage.

I met my wife AFTER being on the job for about a year. She hasn't known me any other way, and it was an easier adjustment for her and her son. Getting used to the shift work, not talking about certain calls......she knows I love the job, and there's a part of her that liked being able to tell her family/friends/co-workers that I was a f/f. It's a sexy job plain & simple!

I took a day position for about 6 months, and we both agreed that shift work fits our busy family life better (believe it or not!) She works in the school system, so she has the summers/Christmas off. When I have my 5 days off, we can take off with the kids with very little planning.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that ANYBODY can adapt to change. It just takes some time & effort. If the spouse perceives the job to be the obstacle, then in reality the obstacle is the spouse's inability to change. Yes, there are women in the fire service. A wife needs to be confident enough in herself & her marraige/relationship to accept that. Husbands need to honor that confidence, and not do anything to compromise it. THINK WITH THE PROPER HEAD!

My wife and I have a TREMENDOUS marriage. As corny as it sounds, I do love her more now than the first day we had sex....I mean got married!!! We've had our share of peaks & valleys, and the valleys feel like they last forever. All it takes is some frank discussion, and lose the fear that your ego might take a few hits. It's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Even though she's still got some insecurities (because of the dumb-asses that screw around on their wives), I'm 1000% committed to her & us.