I have a Labrador retriever.
I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my b*lls and a car hit me.
I thought the black guy was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.
****** A cop did tell me that one.**********
So the German sheppard say's " I hate Liver and Cheese it taste terrible!" not what the poodle wanted to hear, the Golden say's " I love liver and Cheese it's my favorite!" The poodle was quite impressed by his sentence.
Then the Chuihaua walks right past the German Sheppard and Golden Retriever and say's "Liver her alone cheese mine!!!"
20 years go by, and on Mr. Rich's 50th birthday, his wife says "Honey, every year on your birthday, you make Leroy cut the grass with a pair of scissors, but you never invite him to the party. Your getting older, perhaps you should invite the help".
Mr. Rich thinks about this, and decides to invite Leroy to the party.
Leroy shows up at 9 o'clock, and is the only black guy at the party. He is a huge hit with the older white ladies, and made women that never danced before do the macarena.
Right before midnight, 1 minute before his birthday, Mr. Rich gathers the guests around his pool, and presses a special button on a remote control. All of a sudden, the lawn that Leroy has been cutting with scissors for the past 20 years opens up, and exposes an underground pool with the biggest alligator in the world!
Mr. Rich grabs a microphone and says: "As you know, I am a generous man. On my birthday, I always give away one million dollars to somebody who can impress me. This year, I will give one million dollars to the first person who jumps into the pool, and can swim to the otherside without the man eating alligator catching him."
Just as Mr. Rich finishes his speech, there is a huge splash, and everyone turns to see Leroy sitting in the pool, fighting with the alligator. This goes on for 10 minutes, and finally Leroy swims away and hops out of the pool.
Stunned, Mr. Rich says "Leroy, that was amazing!! I owe you a million dollars."
Leroy says: "Sir, I don't want no million dollars."
Mr. Rich: "What? o.k., I'll give you a Ferrari."
Mr. Rich: "A brand new house then! Anything you want!"
Leroy says: "Sir, I just want the name of the guy that kicked me into the pool."......
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